and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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