Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
