i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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