she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
