I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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