After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
