On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
