And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
