Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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