everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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