if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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