I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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