It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
