All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
