oh god the rape fog is back!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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