Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
