do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
