Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
