I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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