I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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