Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
