Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize