i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
