Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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