i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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