whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
