I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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