This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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