If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
