Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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