Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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