Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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