Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
