whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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