I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
