Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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