my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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