He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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