If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
