moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
