You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
