Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize