If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
