well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
