There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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