I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
