they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
