You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
