What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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