I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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