Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
