did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
