Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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