the condom got lost in my hair
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
