I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
