My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
