hotel room ftw
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
