I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
