and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
