he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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