if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
