This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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