I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
