anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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