I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
