It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
