i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
