Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
