i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
