Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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