Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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