We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
