I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
